ISOLATIONIST: Commentary

    With my book being out for nearly three weeks at this point, I thought it'd be fun to talk about each of them, what inspired them, facts surrounding the poems/book in general. It's not too late to snag a copy! Just contact me for one and I'll either deliver it or mail it to ya. $5 is all I ask, friends. So let's begin. 

ISOLATIONIST - So the title itself is a reference to when someone believes a country doesn't allow any visitors or intervention of Japan would seclude itself off from the rest of the world from 1603 - 1868, also known as Sakoku. I was reading up on the subject during lockdown when I came across that term 'isolationist'. 

    It felt like an appropriate term even before the lockdowns started because I felt I was unhealthily becoming a recluse and not really interacting with people like I used to. I was isolating myself from everyone because I didn't want the heaviness of my depression to bum my friends out. That's been an ongoing thing since I was about twelve or so. I came to the realization that like Japan opening its borders back up, I too had to allow people in or I'd be leading a very lonely life. 

    So I got to writing and realized after about five or so that this piece was going to be a real bummer. I was channeling these antisocial, depressed, near-suicidal feelings onto the page without giving it much notice. I was like, "Sheesh, gotta liven it up a little here." So I noticed it started to a form an indirect narrative or being isolated and slowly coming out of that funk and into the light and entering that next chapter where you reflect what you learned since. 

    That's pretty uplifting, yeah? I'm glad it came together like that, because if it was all just a sad slog I'd feel obligated to give everyone a refund and lock the book away never to be read again. But it's not, so that cold, hard cash is mine, dammit. So lemme break down the contents and just add notes here and there. 

"All Eyes Pierce"

    I get bad social anxiety when I'm at an event by myself or even worse, third wheeling. I wrote this when I was at Basement Transmissions one night I actually had off on a Saturday. I thought I'd be alright since friends were there, but they were busy with other friends so it was just... me. I don't mind being alone doing stuff. In fact it's one of my favorite things, but when it's a crowd and I'm suddenly feeling this crushing weight of feeling left out. Like I don't belong there and that any attempts at socializing is forced and that's just awkward. 

    So I jotted down the opening verse and finished it when I got home. No worries, I found my crowd later in the night. I just had to stick it out. 

"Overstay"

    More or less similar to "All Eyes Pierce" but more in the vein of a crowd of people giving you the cold shoulder but you're stuck there. I got this feeling a lot when I couldn't drive yet and was at the mercy of who I was riding with when to leave. It's definitely that feeling of losing control of a situation and you just have to sit there and hope you're not overstaying your welcome. I'm not a guy who likes to waste someone's time, so when that feeling creeps in... Oh man, it's game over. 

"Such Fragile Things"

    I believe I wrote this either the day of or the day after my brother's showing. When you see a loved one in a box, you realize how quickly things can shatter. But in that shattering there's a compassion and a tenderness for the ones still here. 

"From the Corner"

    There's a certain vulnerability that shows when someone feels hopeless, raw, exposed. I'm sure a lot of people feel that it's a sign of weakness to show that vulnerability, but I think that's bullshit. There's a lot of courage in by carrying yourself, finding community/help, and showing that vulnerability. There are many times were hiding away feels like the safest thing to do, but in order to get better, someone has to see you and what you've been through. 

"Ghost By the Garden Gate"

    I consider this a sequel to "Such Fragile Things". It was a couple weeks after my brother's showing that I'd just sit in my car and just kind of vibe where I'm at, listening to some tunes. I was taught that when a loved one passes, look for a red cardinal. That's them saying hello. So there I was just sitting there and lo and behold and red cardinal landed on the gate, directly in front of my car. I'd like to think that was brother giving a little extra love that day. There was nothing to fear. He was saying hello, his spirit follows us everywhere. The peace I felt there was palpable. It was a very warming thought. 

"Take Claim to Your Spirit"

    I'm not sure what the inspiration for this was. I think I liked the idea of a musician giving a final hooray and taking a bow and such. It was just a little thing I had jotted down. But what's eerie is that after the day after I wrote this, local beloved promoter Alex Harrilla had passed away. He was such a sweet guy and supportive giving basically everyone a gig if you played in a band, including my first shows ever. I looked back at that poem and it really freaks me out how it's pretty much written for him. I had just seen him at a Halloween show and a couple days later he was gone. So I think of him every time I read that particular poem. 

"Silent Space"

    Communication is hard to talk about (lol).  A friend of mine Barry Eakin did this PHENOMENAL reading of this poem when I first wrote it. It was so bone-chilling and such a pleasure to listen to when he surprised me with the recording. I cannot seem to find it anywhere, but I know he had it on his Soundcloud somewhere. If I had the resources to, I'd have him read all these poems and have him for voicework on films/audio dramas/etc. That man is awesome and voice work and he should totally do more of it. If I ever find it again, I'll post it here! 

"The Cost"

    "The Grudge" by Tool is a total inspiration to this one. The hatred fueled by anger and grudges acts as an armor that is heavy like a set, but offers no protection in my experience. All is does is weigh heavy on your heart. 

"From Its Clover"

    With this one, it's this and "From Its Clover" that some friends have said were their favorites. It's really interesting to see who likes what poems! With "From Its Clover" I wanted to say that we may focus on what was or will ever will be, but there's never a blissful moment to a person when they live in the now. It's an incredible feeling and I wish I stayed there longer than I do moments that're far away from me. 

"The Ocean Takes"

    This is one of three of the longer pieces, and with it one of my favorites. Even we carry on life's burdens I sense people become one of two ways: 1. They will inflict their bitterness out on other people in destructive ways or 2. Carry it with them as it eats them from the inside out. I hate the implications of the first option so I often find myself in the lane of the second option. Since writing it, I realized that a third option exists: Take the sand chipped away from you and build something positive out of it. 

"Certainty"

    Nothing is certain but the beautiful landscape that is outer space and how mysterious and unfathomably old and permanent it seems. 

"The Crowning Cloud"

    I wrote this when I had this crush on someone. I knew it wouldn't work out so I had this thought of just captioning that moment, the feeling of blissful love and just have it hover over me, showering me with its warmth as I went about my life since I knew it'd be impermanent. It didn't last, nor started, but that feeling of potential really brought me peace for a short time. 

"The Fading Visage"

    This one is my favorite one of this collection. It's also the longest. It's nearly a short story with the way I play with atmosphere and nearly playing with narrative. Love, love, love this piece. It's inspired by the dreary weather of this place and what lies in a fog and a fogged mind of someone who cannot take the next step. I kind of think of it in the vein of gothic romance which is an aesthetic that I dig a lot. It's like horror but... a lot sadder, which a few friends would jokingly poke fun at me for liking/acting. It's all in good fun though. 

"Recluse"

    This is a "careful what you wish for" sort of piece. The final one on the theme of being a wizard-looking hermit named Cody being antisocial. 

"Lighthouse"

    The final one and also one of my favorites. Definitely Top 3. I like to think of this as a mantra to repeat to one's self when a stormy night surrounds them. We've survived all the storms we've faced thus far and will continue to do so. When someone else is in the dark and is struggling, act as their light and help them find their way back home. 

And for fun, I'm going to rank my collection of my personal favorites. If you have a list of your rankings I'd love to hear it! 

1. The Fading Visage

2. The Ocean Takes 

3. Lighthouse 

4. Ghost By the Garden Gate 

5. Silent Space 

6. Such Fragile Things 

7. From the Corner 

8. Overstay

9. From Its Clover 

10. Take Claim to Your Spirit 

11. The Crowning Cloud 

12. All Eyes Pierce 

13. Certainty 

14. The Cost 

15. Recluse