Wagner's Writings

Give 'er take, a week ago I turned 30. Happy birthday to me, I guess. It's a milestone from what I told, not that I felt it. To be honest, I’m going through a period of indifferent numbness since mom died. She didn’t sign her name on my card this year. That was rough. Her absence is felt everyday, but talking about it is so exhausting. To be honest the only thing that bugged me hitting 30 is that she wasn’t here to see it.  But I still persist. It’s this weird thing I’ve come to know about me. I can wallow in my pain and sorrow, but as soon as a friend matches my level, I’m all like, “Hey man, it’s going to be alright :),” whilst dying inside. That’s just me. :)))  Anyways, enough about me. Who cares? The crux for what I wanted to do was talk to my younger friends. This is to anyone from say, 18 - 29 years old. A LOT of them have this anxiety of turning 30. I totally get it. It’s a new decade. It’s “old.” I’ve always been laxed on the topic myself. There’s a few reasons for ...

  It was yesterday that the local Erie venue Basement Transmissions announced that they'll be closing their doors and passing the keys to the Lavery's as it's being rebranded as Centennial Hall, another music venue. Let me first say I’m excited to see Centennial Hall when their vision is completed after renovations are done! A new venue is always exciting and my bands will likely be playing there soon(ish).  However, with a death must come a eulogy in memberence. Even if it’s not a living thing, saying goodbye is never easy. I’ve learned that quite well this year already. Guess I’ll say my peace on one of my favorite places in Erie.  I was a freshman in high school when I was a couple years deep into this idea that I’d play music and be in rock bands but hadn’t yet been exposed to local bands with the same idea. Then I saw a band playing in the commons area at school at the end of the year. “Who was this?” I asked a friend asked. They turned out to be a band called ...

        Bring Her Back is the follow up effort on Danny and Michael Philippou's debut feature film, 2023's Talk to Me .  I watched Talk to Me without having known the two are Youtube stars, so I went into their filmography completely blind. Lemme tell ya, it was intense. It was a twisted little film that exceeded my expectations with how visceral and it felt fresh to me. There was a certain intensity to it that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The concept of kids getting high off demonic possession was unique and well done. The script was fairly tight and stuck the ending that made me smile devilishly.  Needless to say, I was anticipating their second film, Bring Her Back . You notice that their first two films are commanding? Talk to me! Bring her back! Do the hustle! So demanding. Sheesh . Kind of like it though. It’s a way to make an bold entrance and to be noticed. Thought that was interesting.  Bring Her Back is certainly bold. This...

This post is aiming me summing up my couple of weeks of bereavement.  Grief takes a lot out of you, but there's also something to be taken from grief. I’ve learned a lot about losing a parent the past couple of weeks. I learned I’m taking it better than I did the loss of my brother. My brother was unexpected. With mom, we prepared. My brother had a lot of life to live at 39. My mom was content with the life she lived and was ready to go. It doesn’t erase the pain but the blow was certainly softened a little bit. It was certainly apples and oranges in the types of death a family can deal with, both of which were thrown directly at my family’s faces tenfold. But we’re a persistent group of people.  I once read that grief is “love that has nowhere to go.” I think that’s true to an extent. I gave as much love to mom as she was around as I could. I certainly don’t have any regrets. With two weeks passed now, I can appreciate the good times a little better without excessively crying...

Yeah man, it's a review for a movie called Friendship . It stars Tim Robinson and Paul Rudd. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve loved a comedy film that’s primarily a comedy film (except a couple scenes that’re shot like a horror film but that’s beside the point.) You’re in for a great time if you like cringe comedy or especially if you dig Tim Robinson’s I Think You Should Leave. I understand the comparisons are inevitable, but it seems like it comes from the same cloth as that show. Not that I feel the film’s a “two-hour episode” of the show, but it comes from the same vein. Which is impressive because the writer and director was not involved in the show. Which leads me to believe that Tim Robinson is like a banana in a smoothie. No matter how small, miniscule piece of banana you throw in the thing, the ENTIRE thing will taste like banana. Doesn’t matter if there’s vanilla, spinach, peanut butter, berries, etc., the WHOLE fucking thing will taste like a banana; a vastly p...

My Mama died, and I’m terribly fucking sad about it. (You have to write the truth) Think I’m writing a series of these blog posts as a meditation on loss, grief, and returning back to passion and life. It’s one of the few things on my mind.  This is the first one. You write what you know, right? It’s a terrible thing to lose a parent. It feels fucking awful. It’s also apparent that “normal people” aren’t sure how to approach how to go about talking to someone who’s experienced that kind of loss. Especially if you’re still a young(er) person. These are the lines I must walk now.  Eight days ago, I lost my mom due to brain cancer. This was after being diagnosed with lung cancer in September and fought hard with it for nearly nine months before the cancer spread to her brain and passing away in the night on May 16th. It was 11:33 PM when she took her final breath. She was 65. Far too young to be losing any parent. Any age will seem too young because everyone wants their parent ...